That BITCH
That. Bitch.
That. Beeeeaaatttchhhhhuuuuu
“Okay stop. Please stop. You're not allowed to say that!” - said the badger to the Troll
BEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAACHHHHHHH
“Stop!!!” - all the Badgers chimed in. “You cannot say that!”
Why not?
“It alongside the C word, and the R word, are horrendous. We badgers don't like it.”
the Troll grumbled.
"Mr Troll?", asked the young Badger.
Yes?
"Where did you get your Scouse accent from?"
I was trying to tell you! But you all keep interrupting my story.
The Badgers you see were very happy to have the troll in their little nest. It was the first guest they'd had in a long long time. They loved troll and all his musings....
Which R word don't you like? - said the Troll. Just in case I say it, i need to know so I don't say it. ever.
One of the badgers excitedly came out from the makeshift kitchen with some scones and tea.
"Here you go Mr. Troll!" Smiling ear to ear. He was the youngest of the Badgers, and this was his first Guestgiving.
Anyways as I was saying. Have ya'll ever seen a Whore? I mean a real DAAAWG.
“Mr. Troll. There are young Badgers here. Please. Please. Stop swearing.”
But really guys. I'm not even that Drunk right now. With a Capital D! That's allowed right? The D word?
“Yes THAT D word is allowed Mr. Troll. Just not the other one.”
Okay anyways. This Slut I was with.
“MR. TROLL. ENOUGH!”
Why did you invite me here anyways? This is how we Trolls TALK. With a Capital T!
You see the real reason the Badgers had invited Mr. Troll, with a Capital T, was because of their fascinating little Culture. Badgers NEED Guests. Without Guests, there is no GuestGiving. Without GuestGiving, ... well there is no point in Living - is there? Highly Cultured, Badgers absolutely never swear, treat everyone with respect, love guests, and food. They LOVE guests and food.
"Mr. Troll. We invited you here today to celebrate Guestgiving with us! You're our distinguished Guest" said the young one again, smiling ear to ear, as this *was his first and only ever Guestgiving.
Now Badgers. I thank you for the invite. And I greatly appreciate being here. However, as your honored Guest I must ask you for a favour.
"Oh Anything Mr. Troll!" - they all said in unison, knowing the one Rule of all Guestgivings...
"So I can ask you now?"
"OF COUUUURSE" - they all said with smiles so large, so warm, your very hear would melt in the snowy cold Winter night.
"anyyythiiing?"
"We would rather not see Spring!" - said 2 "Or Summer even" - said the other 4. For they knew the rule. The First rule of Guestgiving. To honor the Guest. To give give give!
Okay so I want to tell my story. I want you all to listen intently without budging. Until the night wears out, until we naturally fall asleep. I want you to listen to my story.
With horror, with utter regret, they skipped a beat, looked in each other's eyes, knowing what Demons the Troll was about to unleash onto their innocent hearts. For they had invited him out of sheer desperation. The Birds had gone South this Winter. The Elk were nowhere to be found - trust me, they looked! Only the Troll was left of the Animals that would not attempt to eat them. Only the Troll, which ate nothing in the Winter - or some say ever! Could be invited this Guestgiving. So they sat, and listened to stories about his time in England, in the lowest of the low, the dirtiest of the dirty.
"I shall begin after I eat this Scone and empty my throat." - said the Troll, smirking, licking his rocky fingers one by one.